Hedonisia Community Guidelines on Dating & Sexual Harassment
As an eco-feminist community on the volcanic slopes of Puna, Hawaii. We are in a lush rainforest location that can only be described as a sensual paradise!
From the beginning, we wanted to be a different kind of community in Hawaii. At the same time, we want to remain a community that welcomes regular tourists looking for an affordable eco-friendly place to stay in Hawaii.
It is a delicate balance to create a place where love and special friendships can happen but also where personal boundaries are respected. Based on our testimonials and reviews, we are slowly finding that balance.
A Consent Culture Community of Individuals
The Hedonisia community respects everyone's right to space and privacy.
To create a space where visitors can feel safe to explore, we developed the Hedonisia Community Sexual Harassment & Dating Guidelines.
We do NOT tolerate sexual harassment from any member of the community.
We make great effort to ensure that everyone at Hedonisia feels safe enough to enjoy themselves. This is especially true for female travelers.
We provide the space and a beautiful tropical setting for intimacy to blossom. But we don't force it.
Our community is called "Hedonisia Hawaii" and eco-tourists, volunteers, and interns meet and date here quite often. Because members have a feeling of safety in the community, many wonderful romances have started here.
Eco-Feminism, Consent Culture & Sexual Harassment
The current definition of sexual harassment is quite grey. Comedian Chris Rock once said, "Sexual harassment is when you are ugly! If you're good looking, it's called flirting!"
Overly broad interpretations of sexual harassment laws have limited romance in the workplace. Fear of lawsuits causes many corporations to ban all dating in the workplace.
Even in small companies, workers are so concerned about false accusations that they rarely date or flirt with their colleagues! Even some feminists agree this has removed many joys of social interaction from the workplace.
An intentional community or company based on idealism differs from a traditional business where profit is the overriding goal. People with similar interests live, work and hang out in the same place.
We have created an evolving template of ethical guidelines for community members to have fun and yet feel safe and protected. And they are able to do so while working, living and hanging out at a unique eco-feminist community in paradise!
- Consent Culture Community: Hedonisia follows 'consent culture' guidelines where the prevailing narrative of sex is centered around mutual consent. It is a culture with an abhorrence of forcing anyone into anything, a respect for the absolute necessity of bodily autonomy, a culture that believes that a person is always the best judge of their own wants and needs.
- Jungle Queens = Empowered Women. The confidence that comes from being able to handle a machete often means that Jungle Queens are less afraid to choose their friends and lovers! If you are a woman and you actually do like someone on the property tell them! With our empowered approach to gender equality, double standards do not apply at our community!
- Intern Community Managers: Hedonisia Interns also date! However, as persons in a position of authority, they too must abide by all sexual harassment rules or they will be asked to leave.
- Community Director: As the male founder and director of an eco-feminist community, Mojo holds himself to a higher standard than any other community member. Despite his position of authority, he deliberately takes a background role to support female leadership in the community. In fact, for much of the year, Mojo does not even live in Hawaii! He resides at the Hedonisia Portland Micro-Community, directing Hedonisia from behind the scenes.
- Clear Communication - No & Yes! An easy way to avoid sexual harassment is clear communication. If anyone at Hedonisia steps over your personal boundaries tell them! If they persist, notify an Intern or the Director immediately. However, if you like someone tell them too! One of the biggest confusions in cases of sexual harassment against women is that men often don't know whether a female likes them or not!
- Overnight Visitors: We allow community members to invite a friend or lover from "off property" to sleep in their space. Overnight visitors pay a Discount Rate of $20 per night if they sleep in the same space as their host who is also responsible for their behavior while on the property. They also must sign the Registration form with their ID. If lovers become closer and decide to live together then they may interview to make a custom arrangement for visits. Or they can continue to pay the discount rate.
A Sex-Positive Eco-Feminist Web Portfolio: An Intern who chooses to work on our web projects may be dealing with subjects like reproductive rights or sex-positive feminism. Our community respects the personal space and boundaries of other interns, guests and volunteers.
Grievance Procedures, Disciplinary Sanctions & Policies
- Criminal Harassment. If a case of sexual harassment in the community is criminal, we will not hesitate to inform the relevant authorities.
- Mediation. Hawaii law allows for the possibility of supervised mediation in the case of any harassment charge. Interns on duty or the Community Director can act as a mediator in minor cases where both parties agree.
- Intern Managers. Interns enjoy a position of authority in the community. However, any intern found guilty of a non-criminal charge of sexual harassment can be either demoted to a lesser position or required to leave.
Gay Sexual Harassment
In the past, we directed our enforcement of Sexual Harassment rules for the protection of women. We did not think that young men would have a problem with sexual harassment as they would be able to take care of themselves!
We were wrong and our PC culture is partly to blame. Today, many heterosexual young men are gay-friendly. Younger males can be so politically correct they will not complain if they are sexually harassed by a man, to avoid accusations of prejudice. That happened in 2013 in our community with a gay male Intern. He made young men on the property quite uncomfortable with heavy flirting and graphic descriptions of his intimate experiences with past lovers. Younger men on the property were unwilling to confront him because they did not want to seem homophobic. It was only after this man left that we discovered how prevalent his predatory behavior was.
Two years later a similar thing occurred with a gay female on the property making unwanted advances
In response, we are more sensitive to the feelings of anyone if they feel they are being pressured to be sexual with someone of the same gender when they don't want to be.
In both cases, their behavior constituted sexual harassment. We do not tolerate violations of consent with any gender.
Pleasurable Activism, Respect for Personal Boundaries & Consenting Adults
The city of Portland OR is one of the most ethical sex positive cities hosting many kinds of events, communities, workshops, and activities that support sex-positive feminism.
As he did for years as Hedonisia Hawaii Community Director, Mojo has always been very careful to obey the principles and practices of a sex-positive consent culture community.
In Portland, Mojo learned about consent culture which is now a part of the Hedonisia Community Guidelines. He also learned about the meaning of Sapiosexual, which is someone who is turned on by intelligence!
Mojo talks here about the challenges of working with sexuality in a female dominant community as a sex-positive male and person of color:
I have considered myself a 'feminist' since I quit being a Muslim to protest the religion's policies against women at the age of 17.
I am a queer cisgender male who practices Consensual Non-Monogamy. As Community Director of Hedonisia, and a male in a position of authority, I am aware of my position. So I follow an even higher standard than other community members.
To avoid even the appearance of impropriety, I was mostly celibate in a community that usually had a dominant female population. In fact, in order to teach community leadership skills to the young women who came to live on the property, I would be traveling.
I flirted lightly when it felt okay. However, I tried to never initiate any intimacy or ask someone for a date. I was so respectful of personal boundaries and the not wanting to run afoul of any appearance of impropriety that I would not even offer lifts to women if I was driving off the property.
As a strong believer in female empowerment, I did not initiate intimacy with a female unless she made the first move or gave a very clear signal that she liked me!
When adults are working on causes they feel passionate about in a community or company that is trying to improve the world, romance can easily happen!
If a person is a sapiosexual, intellectual passionate discussions about subjects of great importance can cause intimate feelings may arise. This is natural and human. The important factor is consent.
Hedonisia is a 'community of individuals' that respects each consenting adult's life choices as long as they don't encroach upon the rights of others.
In the 14-year history of Hedonisia, I dated exactly 4 women on the property. In each case, there was a very clear signal given by the female that intimacies were about to begin!
By Mojo Mustapha - Hedonisia Community Director.